I’ll say it right out the gate, Jordan Peterson is a controversial figure. He is a clinical psychologist and Professor emeritus at the University of Toronto. But he became popular after this interview with Cathy Newman. I rather recommend reading “Why Can't People Hear What Jordan Peterson Is Saying?” which clarifies the misleading interview.
I didn’t want to write about his book, 12 Rules for Life, because I risk associating myself with some of his beliefs that I disagree with. But this is precisely why I’m writing this book summary anyways. We tend to throw the baby out with the bath water.
“Sinners often speak the truth. And saints have led people astray. Examine what is said, not the one who says it.” — Awakening
Specifically, when pretty much anyone, the media or your friends, can get enough evidence to classify someone as racist, sexist, or homophobic, regardless of the truth, we are socially compelled to denounce that person swiftly.
Though such shortcut thinking is valuable because it keeps us safe, it also puts us in danger of being manipulated by people who are furthering their own agenda. I don’t know if I agree with all the beliefs of liberals or conservatives, so I’d rather not have their vocal leaders manipulate my thought. So what is the antidote to all this?
Independent thinking. Some of the ideas Jordan Peterson proposes are wrong, and some of them are insightful. It’s only a lazy reader that goes through a book accepting everything in it as gospel.
The book was not as practical as I expected. It’s technically self-help, but I found it to be more philosophical. The ringing message you’ll hear throughout is to take responsibility.
Rule 1: Stand up straight with your shoulders back.
This is a direct call to responsibility.
Thre’s a hole in our culture where there should be discussion about maturity, truth, and responsibility. And no one is talking about that! When I talk to people about this, the halls are dead silent. You could hear a pin drop because nobody’s said so for like 50 years that almost all the meaning that you will need to get you through the hard times of your life is going to be a consequence of adopting responsibility, not of rights and impulsive action — Peterson on the Joe Rogan podcast
Rule 2: Treat yourself like you are someone you are responsible for helping.
It seems trivial on the first pass, but when you think about it, there are so many times we’re not caring for ourselves. Peterson starts this chapter by referencing widespread research on non-adherence, which is that patients don’t take their own medicine. Yet we will ensure our family, friends, and even pets take their medicine.
If you treated yourself like you were responsible for helping yourself, you’d stand up for yourself. You will take action to set yourself up for success. You will stop doing things that harm you or your goals. You would never miss taking your medicine! I think this point is rather profound.
Peterson explains that we don’t help ourselves because we see ourselves in the worst light. Everyone else, family and friends, only knows a fraction of the terrible things we’ve done. But you, you know ALL the horrible things you’ve thought, said and done.
The following was my favorite quote from the book. It is measured advice from a clinical psychologist on how to speak to yourself:
Ask yourself is there one thing that exists in disarray your life that you would and could set straight.
Imagine that you are someone with whom you must negotiate. Imagine further that you’re lazy, touchy, resentful, and hard to get along with. It’s not going to be easy to get you moving.
You might say to yourself, “Excuse me, I am trying to reduce some of the unnecessary suffering around here. I could use some help.
I’m wondering if there’s anything you would be willing to do. I would be very grateful for your service.”
Ask honestly and with humility. You might have to negotiate further based on your state of mind.
Maybe you don’t trust yourself. Maybe you think you’ll ask yourself for one thing and after having delivered, immediately demand more. Who wants to work for a tyrant like that. Not you!
Maybe you need to say to yourself, “we haven’t gotten along in the past. I’m sorry about that. I’m trying to improve. I’ll probably make some more mistakes along the way. I promise I’m trying to improve and if you object I’ll try to learn.
I noticed you weren’t really jumping at the opportunity to help when I asked. Is there something I can offer in return for your cooperation? Maybe if you did the dishes we can go for coffee. How about an espresso? Double shot? Or is there something else you want?”
Maybe a little voice will reply,
“Really? You really want to do something nice for me? It’s not a trick?”
A little careful kindness goes a long way and judicious reward is a powerful motivator!
Rule 3: Make friends with people who want the best for you.
This is directly connected to the previous rule. Specifically, the author says you should not be friends with anyone you wouldn’t approve of your siblings being friends with. This is a form of helping yourself.
Rule 4: Compare yourself to who you were yesterday, not to who someone else is today.
This advice is mainstream. The message is to value progress towards your goals rather than the achievement of your goals. There will always be someone better than you at something you value.
Rule 5: Do not let your children do anything that makes you dislike them.
I’m not a parent but sounds fair.
Rule 6: Set your house in perfect order before you criticize the world.
Peterson gets undeserved blowback that this point is obvious or unhelpful. The argument is that there is much suffering in the world. Much of that comes from nature and natural disasters, which is the harsh reality of living.
However, some suffering comes from human ill-will, including self-inflicted malevolence like not taking your own medicine. Most people I know, including myself, would benefit from asking themselves how they contribute to their own problems.
This leads to Peterson’s mantra of telling people to try putting their rooms in order just for a week and observing the impact. Do you remember the make your bed guy, Admiral McRaven?
Rule 7: Pursue what is meaningful (not what is expedient).
By rule 7, I realized Jordan Peterson had low-key taught the reader a summary of the first five chapters of the first book of the Bible. I am genuinely impressed that Peterson never prescribes spiritual meaning to these Bible stories of Creation, Adam and Eve, and Cain and Abel. Instead, their meaning is not about “truth” but about how to behave.
This is because of the difference between Newtonian (Scientific) and Darwinian (Evolutionary) worldviews. From a scientific/materialistic perspective, Bible stories are irrelevant because, for instance, no apple can give you knowledge of the world. However, the evolutionary perspective is concerned with what actions we should take for survival.
“The implication of something for action is actually it’s primary meaning. Don’t stand around and try to contemplate a tiger while it’s trying to eat you. Because the fact that it’s trying to eat you is more important than the fact that it’s a tiger. And if you don’t figure that out quick, then you’re not around anymore and so much for your claims to truth. You’re just gone. That’s an error. And whatever was in you that enabled you to make that error is not going to be transmitted to the next generation.“
There is no more real truth than that which serves life, which is why Bible stories are relevant. They tell us how to act.
This is why children’s folktales and myths are passed down through generations: the tortoise and the hare, the boy who cried wolf, the golden egg, and so on.
The insights from the bible stories:
The universal truth of living is suffering. This is evident from God’s curse on Adam of having to sweat to till the ground and on Eve of pain during childbirth.
The summary of the Cain and Abel story. They’re twins. Abel is a herder, and Cain is a farmer. Abel’s sacrifice to God is accepted, and he’s loved, but God rejects Cain’s sacrifice. Cain kills Abel out of anger.
Cain killing his own brother depicts the deep malevolence humans are capable of and how the world really is about suffering.
Humans have to make sacrifices. This is a direct result of the Adam curse. Eating the forbidden apple gave humans knowledge of good and evil, but also the curse of knowledge that sacrifices must be made in the present for the future (the definition of work.)
Moreover, sacrifices are sometimes not accepted or otherwise unsuccessful. Sometimes you study hard and fail the test. Sometimes you plan ahead, and it fails. Some sacrifices are better than others. Abel made a better sacrifice. And yes, sometimes it’s unclear what will make a better sacrifice.
Ultimately, Peterson’s answer for what we should aim for is not happiness. Why? well, suffering is inevitable, and any happiness is fleeting. Instead, what we want is not an absence of suffering but suffering that is worthwhile — meaning.
When playing a sport like Soccer, you’re expending energy, not always winning, and can get injured. However, it feels worth it. Peterson prescribes finding the most meaningful goal we can orient ourselves towards. This looks like creating the best life for yourself and also simultaneously improving the lives of your immediate community and the world more broadly.
Rule 8: Tell the Truth or at least don’t lie.
Everybody lies. But Peterson’s description for this bar for truth is listening to your inner voice. Anytime we lie, we have a voice in the back of our head that disapproves of what we just said. Peterson says telling the truth is about never saying anything that the inner voice will disagree with.
Rule 9: Assume that the person that you are listening to might know something you don’t.
Be humble.
You already know what you know, and, unless your life is perfect, what you know is not enough.
Rule 10: Be precise in your speech.
Be bold and specific about what you want.
Why refuse to specify when specifying the problem would enable its solution? Because to specify the problem is to admit that it exists. Because to specify the problem is to allow yourself to know what you want, say from friend or lover, and then you will know precisely and cleanly when you don’t get it. And that will hurt sharply and specifically. But you will learn something from that. And you will use what you learn in the future. But the alternative to that single sharp pain is the dull ache of continued hopelessness and vague failure and the sense that time, precious time, is slipping by.
Rule 11: Do not bother children when they are skateboarding.
Don’t stop others from taking risks. People build competence by taking risks.
Rule 12: Pet a cat when you see one on the street.
Because life is full of so much suffering, make sure to appreciate the little moments of joy, happiness, and wonder. Life is all suffering anyways, so you might as well smell the roses on the way.
These 12 rules propose that “The suffering that comes with worthwhile sacrifice can help us find meaning in life.“ The most successful people in history have found meaning by learning to sacrifice and share to improve the lives of others.
There’s no meta-rule for all these rules, and no one can apply them all. The biggest takeaway is to simply take more responsibility. Responsibility for taking care of yourself. Responsibility for what you say — be truthful and specific. Responsibility in always choosing what is meaningful over what is expedient.
Thanks to Saaketh Narayan for reading drafts of this.
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