Question Time: San Francisco, Staying in touch with Friends
This is the first of what is hopefully a series where I answer questions that friends have asked me to write about. It’ll be called Question Time. Though I’m excited about this series, it might be short-lived, just like the Trios.
What’s to love about San Francisco? – Sophie Shen
My summer tennis buddy, Sophie Shen, just moved to San Francisco (SF) and asked me to write about the city. Why not? I love SF! The biggest reason is the primarily sunny weather that comes with a California city.
My view of SF’s weather may be biased because I’ve only been there in the summer. But not having a real winter with snow is a massive plus in my books. Growing up in Lagos, Nigeria, there was a time I routinely woke up to 80ºF/26ºC throughout the day.
So it can be pretty jarring to wake up to near-freezing temperatures in Philadelphia’s wintertime. I think I have some trust issues from Fall switching up on me into winter every year. At least in SF, summer, and all year round, I’m told, you’ll always be fine bringing a jacket or hoodie when going out – but you’ll never need a winter jacket.
The second thing I love about SF is one of the perks of having nice weather: you can go out to do stuff! And most people who live in SF take advantage of the outdoors. Some of my favorite outdoor activities include hiking the Land’s End trail, long walks in the Golden State park with friends, the views from Dolores Park in the Mission, and walking along the Embarcadero to Fisherman’s Wharf. At least that’s what I did this summer. While these are simple, they’re great examples of time I never regret spending.
My big secret SF recommendation is a place called LiPo Cocktail Lounge in Chinatown.
Staying in touch with friends/people – Pia Singh
It can be pretty tough to keep in touch with friends especially when life’s just coming at you. No one has a great handle on this problem. We’re all just trying to figure it out. Our twenties is the decade where the number of people we meet absolutely explodes, and this is also when we become the kind of person we want to be.
“On average, sometime between 20 and 30, we start to become more emotionally stable and less tossed around by life’s ups and downs. We become more conscientious and responsible. We become more socially competent. ” - Dr. Meg Jay, author of The Defining Decade: Why your Twenties Matter.
A big part of becoming more socially competent is managing relationships better, so the first point is to not beat yourself up for struggling to manage your relationships. The second point, however, is to keep working to manage your relationships better so you do become competent.
To maintain friendships, My friend Wuntia Gomda recommended his system to me: A simple list of friends you are not in the same location with and calling one every day. Seems simple but is difficult to do consistently.
For deepening friendships, I only have an observation that I alluded to in Putting users first. The most common mistake I make and see others making is to assume how our friends perceive our show of love. If someone’s love language is quality time, then they may not truly care for the nice gift you bought them if you didn’t show up to their birthday party, for instance.
I find that paying more attention to how friends react, specifically facial expressions, tone, word choice, and body language, can tell you more about how they like to be appreciated. Usually, you can also tell by observing how they like to show their care to you – people show love the way they would like to be shown love.
I think all this effort is really worth it because humans are social/emotional animals, and doing something that is ‘objectively’ good often doesn’t matter compared to how you make people feel.
To make new friends, thats related to the next post. Stay tuned.
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